In the Embrace of a Summer Day
by seaofwords
Summary: Post Season 3 CS. Mary takes a walk one summer day, and gaining deeper insight into each of her relationships with members of her family.


The house seemed overwhelmingly empty when Mary rose that morning. Since her parents and Edith had left for London the other day, the daily commotion had slowed to a trickle. While normally Mary was one for life, parties, anything, really, that would stir up the normal flow of events, she was glad for some alone time with her husband and her son.

She ate breakfast alone that morning; Matthew had eaten years ago. After checking on darling George, who was still asleep in the nursery, she decided to go for a walk. It had been a long time since she had enjoyed a peaceful stroll in the sunshine. Naturally her feet led her to her favorite bench under the large cedar tree, but after staring at it for a few minutes, contemplating it wistfully, she resolved that she wasn't quite in the mood to sit down yet. She continued on absentmindedly, enjoying the warm tendrils of sunshine and the ghosts of a breeze.

She was only half surprised when she reached the village. Perhaps she should have been more shocked; it was a rather long distance for a lady of her position to have walked, unaccompanied, but the town was rather deserted at the moment, it being almost noon, so it hardly mattered. Besides, the walk had done her good.

She wandered aimlessly through the streets, until suddenly she paused, her hand lingering on the iron spoke of a gate, as she paused in the presence of her husband. She couldn't quite see him, yet, but she knew he was there, and she pushed through the gate into the yard, her heart quickening slightly.

She sat down quietly beside wearing he was lying, and turned her face up at the sun. She really should be wearing a hat, she thought. This sun will probably ruin my complexion. For once, she didn't care. Instead, she soaked in the peace of the moment.

As always, these days, she was the first to break the silence.  
"Beautiful day, isn't it?"  
She thought she heard a sigh, but perhaps it was just the wind.  
"It's going quite well, but of course, plenty of time for that to change. We always seem to have the worst of luck on beautiful days, don't we?"

"We're cursed, you and I," she could hear the words in her head, but Matthew didn't say that. For a moment she thought his attention had drifted somewhere else entirely, but then she felt the ghost of his hand press against her comfortingly.  
"Except, of course, for the day that I married you. That day was, entirely, uncompromisingly beautiful."She felt tears spring to her eyes; her face became unbearably hot. She attempted to blink them away, and instead lay down, snuggling as close to him as possible.

Perhaps they were out in public, perhaps it was improper, but she really care at that moment, because it just felt nice to be close to him. It had been ages...

Since when had she become the sentimental one; he the quiet, contemplative one? Since when had she stopped caring about the standards of society?

Since when had everything changed?

She drifted off to sleep beside Matthew...

"Mary?"

Mary groaned, shifting closer to Matthew, far from inclined to leave this warm, peaceful, bliss.

"Mary?"

She opened her eyes just a crack, and smiled as she caught sight of the clear, brilliant blue of Matthew's eyes.

"Darling, I've missed you so much. It felt like you were away forever."

"Oh, Mary…"

It was then that Mary's eyes opened fully, and for a puzzled moment she squinted at contemplated not Matthew, but his mother above her, staring brokenly down at her. After barely a moment, the harsh reality crashed in, as she realized the dazzling blue she had thought were his eyes was nothing but clear sky, the golden warmth she had believed his presence was nought but the last ghostings of the day's sunlight upon her flesh, and that the man she had fought to find all afternoon lay buried below her, never to wrap her in his arms and whisper her silly sweet nothings again…

"Oh, Isobel, I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. I'll just be going now," Mary stood swiftly, turning away so Isobel wouldn't see the tears already beginning to leak from her eyes.

"Nonsense, Mary, you needn't apologize for anything, especially to me." The older woman laid a gloved hand on Mary's shoulder, begging her back, and Mary, who was sure the fight had drained out of her ages ago, turned back.

"It's just that- it's silly really," Mary forced a laugh, wiping quickly, fruitlessly at the tears leaking from her eyes, "It's just that, for a moment, I really thought that he was still here. How foolish of me. My husband is long gone." And both of her hands pressed upon her face, trying to seal her composure even as she felt it crack.

Isobel wrapped her arms around Mary, who folded deeper into her embrace, shaking and sobbing. "I know, it's very hard. It took me years to accept it with Reginald. There were countless evenings I'd absent-mindedly wait to hear his footsteps through the doorway around dinner, or turn towards his spot at the table to see him laugh after someone said something I knew he'd find funny… and now with Matthew, I feel like my heart has been crushed completely into powder. I'd give anything to see the smile of my little boy again… But Mary, Matthew never would have wanted to see you sad. He thought you were the strongest, most brave-hearted person he had ever met, had ever had the fortune of loving, and he wouldn't want you to be broken over him; I think that would positively break his heart. So if you loved my son at all, as I know without a doubt you do, you'll find a way to go on, for his sake, and the sake of your son."

"But how can I ever possibly continue our life without both of us?"

"Because you must. And Mary, although it's hard to believe now, I've found that the people we love never truly leave our lives. Perhaps they're not there in the ways we most wish, but they're there in some small way all the same. So don't disappoint Matthew, because I know wherever he is, he's watching and rooting for you."

Sometime later, after Mary returned to Downton, she took George from his room and sat with him in her arms upon the bench under the large tree. She bounced him in her arms for a few minutes, enjoying his happy the gurgling, before turning towards him.

"George," she said, staring into wistfully into his trusting, bright blue eyes. She steadied herself, inhaling a fortifying breath before continuing. "I brought you out here today to this bench, because, well, it's a very nice bench, and it's always been a favorite of mine, ever since I was a little girl, so I hope you'll like it too. I used to spend a lot of time here then, and then… with your father… and so I thought maybe you and I could spend some time here, and make some family memories."

George didn't say anything- how could he, but after a moment, she saw the smallest of baby smiles form on his adorable face, and she thought her heart would burst from the hope and wonder at it. In that moment she could almost feel Matthew's own smile as she realized that somehow, someway, things were slowly going to get better.


End file.
